I consider myself an emotionally rather balanced human. However I do have these occasional moments these days when I get so enraged I simply want to scream. And sometimes I actually do it. When I´m alone in nature or into a pillow at home. Then I feel better. But only for a short while for the next hot anger wave is bound to come. I have to find another way.
Pregnant women with masks
For instance, when I see a quite pregnant woman on the bus. The weather is hot and the bus crowded. Her face is flushed, sweat run down her face and she is breathing heavily. But she will not take her mask off.
Subtle power games
When dear people tell me kindly that they hope I won´t have to regret my attitude regarding the current situation one day. They give me a concerned look and I know they truly worry about me. However they could, instead of questioning my assessment of the situation, also kindly scrutinize their own. Perhaps they are the ones who might see things differently one day? Who knows?
Foul play
Or when I hear that school children don´t have to wear a mask in class, but that doors and windows have to stay open and so they sit there in their coats. They can only choose between wearing a mask for hours on end or a coat and soon perhaps also hats and gloves – or a mask. And too many teachers who are supposedly teaching our children how to think and act intelligently go along with this.
Ambiguity
People who are protesting against our current government and its media are conveniently characterised as “Covidiots” and single protestors are beaten up brutally by our police. A the same time the people in Belarus are praised for being brave and courageous enough to stand up against their inhuman government.
No more grey, only black and white
Whoever questions the danger of the virus is immediately considered a conspiracy theorist and therefore not to be taken seriously. All those who protest are considered right wing radicals. All those who refuse wearing a mask are considered mask rebels. That they might have asthma or sinus issues is not even considered. This blanket categorization is a very frequent practise these days. Of course in the media but also among individuals.
The answer is in the air
Instead of screaming loudly and banging my fists against the growing insanity, I now inhale abysmally. While I powerfully exhale, I lift myself above the seething mass. Then I climb slowly out of the hot cauldron of my boiling ego while I am quietly snorting and muttering to myself. For like all egos mine is convinced that it knows the only real way and not only knows it but is mastering it…
With fresh oxygen and new clarity I finally arrive at the peak of my heart intelligence. I pause and forgive myself for having lost yet again my inner balance that is so sacred to me.
The rage is mine and mine alone
Then I remind myself that it is MY RAGE that got triggered and that the responsibility for this is mine alone. It has nothing to do with the circumstances or the people who triggered it. And that the core feeling behind the rage is sheer helplessness! For I have no clue how people will ever be able to cohabit in a healthy manner if we think and feel so differently.
Inside my rage there is also a fear hiding that I am at the mercy of those people for better or worse. They deny the truth how I perceive and feel it – just because it doesn´t suit them. And of course their perceptions and feelings don´t suit me either. Exactly because they seem to heavily threat my vision of a peaceful life together. But then I am making me the victim of my imagination. The reality is different and there is a way out. However in my rage I forget all about it.
What is the good in all of this?
And then the absurd question I keep asking myself: WHY does it have to be this way? Don´t we humans have better things to do than making our lives so difficult with our egos? Don´t we all want a better world ultimately? A world where love and trust are the guiding principles and not fear and power? Where science and media are somewhat reliable! Where people work on their mutual wellbeing and not serving some more or less hidden agenda of their financers? A world where people are way more important than money, property and power?
It´s a growth process
Slowly I realize: this current situation is exactly the way to this new world! Part of this path is, that so many conflicts on so many levels are breaking open. Nasty and painful things that need to be changed are finally surfacing. And even people who used to be close are falling out with each other due to their differences in dealing with the situation. But finally they are honest and authentic. Apparently this is the only way we can learn what we´re all so keenly desiring: a grown-up conscious way of treating each other. We are learning this right now. Every day, 24/7.
Learning to discern between fact and opinion
Being an adult also means being able to discern between fact and opinion. This includes your own expression as well as that of others. “Angela Merkel is a top politician.” is a fact. “Angela Merkel is a great politician” is an opinion.
Distinguishing between people and their attitudes
It is important to realize that it is okay to question an attitude. But it´s not okay to question the entire human being. It is okay not to be a fan of president Trump. But it´s not okay to generally condemn all people who endorse president Trump.
Don´t speculate, investigate
It is so easy to make assumptions based on stories we´re told and headlines we read. But these days it´s utterly worthwhile to take the time and investigate yourself what is at the root of it all. For every day we need to scrutinize our own prejudices. We are so very conditioned and only comprehend slowly that many things that we were taught are just not true.
The truth is not dependent on who utters it
It is also important to acknowledge that people and groups you don´t like can contribute to the greater whole in a constructive way. A truth does not become a lie just because a right wing radical expresses it. In the same way a lie does not become a truth when somebody you appreciate says it.
In truth we all know the good path
“Treat others the way you want to be treated yourself” has always been a human principle. If we truly embrace this “golden rule” then we actually stand a chance to create a peaceful and fearfree world for all. We should always act according to it and do that consciously of course. For example sadomasochists should let us know of their joys in pain in time. If we truly treat others the way we want to be treated ourselves – beyond all regulations and conventions – then we do actually stand a real chance. I am sure of it!
This of course begins with me. So I accept that inside the anger and the unpleasant judgment of others are also their fears. So there is actually more that connects than divides us. Then we´re back on the same level and have a common starting point. What kind of a world do we need so we can live without fear? We can only find the answer to that question together.
Humour, patience and compassion are indispensable
All this I am currently teaching to my ego. It is learning, a little stubborn but slowly. However it is the only way to tame it. Furthermore my ego and I decided to put on the humour goggles before a potential plunge into its hot depths. We´ll also put on a temperature resistant wetsuit made of patience and compassion. Finally we will humbly surrender to the process that we´re all undergoing right now. This will make growing up easier. And the prospect of a benevolent interaction among all people is enormously motivating!
