Last Friday, on the 26th of June 2015 the US supreme court decided for same sex marriage to be legalized throughout the entire country. Laws and regulations in other states that had partly forbidden that where overruled.
It was a historical moment for the Americans and for many a day to celebrate. All my American facebook friends had colored their profile picture in rainbow colors. I was happy with them and also, because I believe this to be an important step for the balance of the entire society on a global scale: the acknowledgment of our equality and living and acting in that consciousness.
National differences for same sex marriage
However in Germany the situation is unfortunately rather different. In our country same sex couples can have a so called “registered life-partnership” – with the same obligations, but less rights than a civil marriage. There is only an exception if a member of a heterosexual marriage decides to change gender… Despite the great acceptance in the majority of the German population and great work by the German LGBT-movement our politicians seem unable to express a clear opinion. They don´t want to lose certain voters, for among them are conservative Christians who believe, that marriage is to primarily serve pro-creation and the maintenance of the population. But perhaps they prayed more than listened in biology class. Otherwise they might know that children are being produced out of wedlock and that there are many childless marriages and adoptions inside and outside marriages.
Social change is a blessing!
Whatever a marriage and family is to consist of in our world is being defined often from a religious point of view and generally culturally and sociologically and is therefore exposed to the changes that go hand in hand with the developments in society. Our family structures have drastically changed since the second world war and will continue to do so. Many things that were unfathomable or criminal to our grandparents don´t even cause any indignation anymore.
Matchmaking for instance was considered punishable in Germany until 1961 because of the possible “promotion of indecency”. Flat-sharing with members of mixed genders were impossible at the time, because the landlord had to deal with legal prosecution. Even visiting somebody with a different gender, who lived by him- or herself could result in great difficulties for the landlord. In that case homosexuals – provided they were sufficiently discreet – had it easier.
The equal rights for men and women in marriage were an important milestone
Marriage and divorce as we know them in Germany today – without legal regulations concerning the duties in a marriage, as well as the equality in making decisions (i.e. a wife needed a written permission from her husband if she wanted to take a job) as well as the change from the principle of guilt to the principle of breakdown in a marriage exist in Germany only since 1977. Add to that the many regulations concerning mother- and fatherhood, custody and divorces with children. In these areas there are still many discussions going on to this day – even independently of whether a couple is married or not. That concerns heterosexual couples as well as homosexual couples. However the equality of rights in a marriage among men and women is also an important prerequisite for same sex marriages.
Same sex marriages are legally possible in the world since 2001. The Netherlands where the first. This trend seems unstoppable in the Western countries – even catholic Spain legalized it in 2005. But in Muslim countries it is still not only absolutely impossible but homosexuality is still considered a crime.
In some countries it will take more time…
So it will probably take some more cruel time until the amusing vision of the German cartoonist Klaus Stuttmann takes shape. It shows an Arab with a beard and sunglasses, wearing a long gown and a keffiyeh on his head – followed by a group of eight Arabs in long gowns, with beard and sunglasses and the keffiyeh on their head. The headline is: “The prince and his harem.” The subtitle says: “Same sex marriage is unstoppable.”
I personally think that many homosexual couples actually contribute to maintaining the values of marriage and family. Quite in contrast to what the media and prejudice make us believe polygamy and promiscuity are not more frequent among gay people than among straight people – it has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Traditional values are particularly cultivated in gay relationships
According to my personal observation and experience the gay couples in my immediate environment guard the ideals of partnership/marriage and faithfulness more than anybody else. Not only do they often have the most stable and longest relationships, they also cultivate bourgeois traditions in their own exquisite ways. They make the best Christmas cookies, decorate adorable Easter bouquets and wrap their lovely presents in most original ways. Furthermore they are brilliant at ironing, have well-tended gardens and most lovingly decorated apartments. They would seem downright petty bourgeois – if it wasn´t for exactly their sexual orientation.
Even if that may be a kind of compensation that gay people make a stronger effort in guarding traditions than straight couples – it is however a great basis for the maintenance of the values of marriage and family in society. This stability and reliability is exactly what children in their straight (patchwork) families often miss and therefore I´m all for the adoption of children by gay couples.
More conscious and aware relationships!
Exactly because they often had a rough childhood they generally have a high respect for their partner and children. They work hard on transmitting a healthy self-confidence to their children. And I´m absolutely sure that these children are particularly respected and supported in their sexual identity. Perhaps they learn to deal with their own femininity or masculinity in a much more conscious way than children of heterosexual couples – and that is to the advantage for the entire society and each of us! Time will tell!
